see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
