too bad you live with your parents still
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
