I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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