we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
