Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
