Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
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Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
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I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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