remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
