I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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