The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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