She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Someone shattered a urinal.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
