She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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