Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
