I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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