On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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