so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
