we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
