either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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