Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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