Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My bed smells like the plague
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
