it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
