Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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