Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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