who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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