apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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