dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
