What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
