Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
