No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
