you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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