You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
