I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
