look no pants
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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