Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
