man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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