Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
