So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
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Best friends brother. Beat that.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
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It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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