Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
