The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
