How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
