she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
