you guys were way drunker than both of me
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
