your parents love me but you hate me
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
