i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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