Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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