Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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