Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
