Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
