Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
