i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize