he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
