hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
