I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
