1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
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Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
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Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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