at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Randomize
