Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
