No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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