You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
nutella sex= disaster
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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