My nipple is on Facebook.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
where am i from again
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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