Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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