If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
