Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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