hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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